It has been almost two months since I had my last post on this blog and approximately three years since my first post. I was thinking of abandoning this blog (and abandoning blogging as an activity) since interests on serious blogging declined tremendously since the events of last semester, and updating the whole world of my life in detail seemed very nonsensical. Yet after two months of convincing myself not to return blogging, here I am, typing a few words to signify my decision to return.
Blogging was my only source of personal security when I needed it the most, and it is one thing I was definitely proud of since I was the only one in my high school batch who has this kind of thing. I was some kind of frustrated by the fact that my writing skills was not recognized then and so I resorted to using wordpress as a medium for a sweet little revenge; if my school paper adviser hated my work, then I was sure there could be many people out there (even in the cyberspace) who would definitely love my way of writing, and I would prove her wrong.
And never did I expected that the blog I intended for a silent revenge became my virtual hideout of my emotions, and the then increasing number of its viewers proved that my works are getting noticed, bit by bit. I was enjoying the little popularity I had then, yet as I enter college, I found life more than blogging, I found my life much more exciting than the excitement my website hits were giving me. The excitement of my college life almost overshadowed my desire in blogging, and it seemed that blogging was becoming lesser of a use for me since I had friends whom I can relate to my problems. Friends can respond and recommend solutions to my problems, unlike blogging.
Yet I decided to return. I believe blogging will be a key for me to realign my life, yet I am not sure how it will work. I just know that the time I blogged was the time when I know what I was doing in my life. There are lots of thing that happened this past year that definitely didn’t make me better as a person, even some of them destroyed me in a way or two. There are lots of things to mend, and grave decisions about certain things about myself made me think of living up a new life, for me to at least try to bury the past that haunted me for a long time. There are lots of things that needs burying, and I must persevere to cleanse them out of my system.
Reconstructing myself is a big decision I’ve made recently, patterning my life to the days were I believe I was emotionally and mentally stable. It is a difficult thing to do, it was like I have to start my life on scratch, yet I am ready to face the difficulties. I want to realign my priorities.
Moving on is a difficult task considering that forgetting elements of the past to live a new life seems an impossible task to do. I know that these individuals are a big part of the magnitude of what I had become, either in a positive or in a negative way, and for that I am forever grateful. And there is no point of forgetting these people, I will never succeed in doing so anyway. But I have to try to forget them, maybe not in the most literal sense.
My last blog before this one was made when I was seventeen, and I returned to blogging with me being legally adult. I think it just makes sense, returning to something when you believe you’re ready for it. And yeah, I know it’s a little weird for me to elevate blogging as an activity of maturity and responsibility. But that’s how it goes for me.