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Okay, I’ll try to blog about this one. ūüôā

For the past two weeks I’ve been into three thesis productions of my orgmates and it has been a great expereince helping these people in a way. See, being in a thesis shoot gives me experience, like I’m learning as I’m enjoying. Being in a production shoot is like a glimpse of what the industry is all about: creativity outpouring, intense money expenditure, and sleepless nights. Hahaha. Plus I’m getting the ins and outs of filmmaking, and it’s a way of getting ahead with some of my batchmates which, sadly, does not have the opportunity joining these kinds of experience. Hahaha. And I think these exposures would qualify for a slot in my resume.

I would try to narrate some of my experiences soon. It’s just that right now, my mind is into hating Kanye West. Hehe.

I’ll be updating this blog with some behind-the-scenes photographs soon (so that I could give this blog a little life). Hahaha.

I’m back again. For the nth time.

I’ve been busy for the past days and blogging was among my least priorities, but maybe I should try to make time for this activity. Here I go again, promising myself to do this thing. Hahaha.

So, claps for me. I’m back.

Bitter daw ako according to my friend Cedrick. Yung pinagmumulan ng bitterness, sa amin na lang iyon. Well una reluctant akong aminin sa sarili ko, pero yeah, totoo siya in a way. Pero I can’t help of being bitter sometimes. There are lots of things that had happened to me for the past year and I just can’t let myself let go of these things easily.

Assumptive kasi ako. Diyan naman kasi umugat lahat yan eh. Sa pagiging dakilang Assumptionista ko. (Grabe lang yung Assumptionista. Haha) Kung sa una-una pa lang hindi ako nag-assume ng mga bagay-bagay eh di sana hindi ako naguluhan ng bongga sa mga nakaraang mga nangyari. Hindi ako nag-expect. Sana hindi nawala ang concentration ko sa responsibilities. Sana ganoon pa rin ang lahat.

Well hindi naman ako nagsisisi sa assumptive factor na yon dahil it made way to a lot of things na  kukumpleto sa akin bilang tao, at thankful lang ako dun. Pero ang annoying na bagay lang, these things linger to you for a little long time, and you should suffer from it even though you dont deserve it. As in sino nga naman bang deserving na magdusa sa isang bagay na hindi naman kasalanan in the first place? Pero nangyayari talaga.

Depressed mode ako ng mga nakaraang panahon dahil sa bitterness na ito. Pero sabi nga nila, I should not let this eat me. There are lots of things in this world that can make me happy, and I should not dwell on the things that make me feel bad. In fairness, alam ninyo, napakaganda niya sa pandinig at napakadaling sabihin, pero anghirap niyang gawin.

Anghirap maging maligaya kung yung source of sorrow mo ay nandiyan lang. At mahirap maging maligaya if you’re actually incapable to let go of those awful things. But of course, what can I do? The least thing that I can do is to smile and let myself become happy kahit na hindi madali.

Sabi nga ni Monique, POSITIVISM (all caps) is the key.

Unit 4B, Anaheim Tower 4, California Garden Square, Libertad, Mandaluyong

Grabbed somewhere dahil hindi pa ako nakapagpicture taking.

Grabbed somewhere dahil hindi pa ako nakapagpicture taking.

At least now I know my real address, dahil for the past two sems nag-endure ako na tumira sa isang place na hindi ko talaga alam ang eksaktong address niya, at pahirapan ang instructions sa pagpunta dahil nga, ehem, hindi ko talaga alam ang eksaktong address niya. Basta sa UP Bliss yon sa tapat ng playground. Shempre hindi ko naman pwedeng sabihin pag magpapadeliver ako ng food na sa tapat ng playground yung address ko ano.

Maraming mga bagay na nakapagpadesisyon sa akin para lumipat ng bahay kahit na masasabi kong hassle talaga ang layo nito sa UP. Okay na yon, sabi ko, para naman matuto akong maging responsable as a person.

Maganda yung place. May pool area at may gym sa baba so baka anytime magpa-member na ako doon at ng sa gayon ay mabibigyang daan na ang pangarap kong magpapayat. Hehehe. May ministop din sa baba, which is sagabal naman dahil anytime (AS IN ANYTIME) na magutom lang ako ay bababa lang ako to get some food.

Nagustuhan ko naman ang place. Maayos, malinis, malamig.

Pero weird talaga yung feeling ng bagong lipat. Weird kung weird.

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Ewan ko. Andami kong plano ngayong summer pero hindi ko naman ginagawa.

Plano kong magdiet at magpapayat pero kung kumain naman ako, dalawang plato ng kanin every meal.

Sabi ko, mag-eexercise na ako regularly pero heto, buong araw lang akong tulog.

At isa pa, nakatutok lang ako maghapon sa computer, facebook lang ng facebook.

Anyway, wala talaga akong balak na magsummer classes kaya naman dito lang ako sa bahay. Well, dapat may inaaccomplish pa akong script at docu na dapat sa april 14 ang deadline pero hindi ko pa sinisimulan. Tamad lang talaga ako. At ngayon yung feeling ko eh wala na talaga akong pakialam sa kung anong mangyari. Nakakatamad lang.

Cause lang siguro ito ng halos walang pahingang sophomore year ko. Nagcrave lang ako ng walang patid na tulog at internet. So hindi naman siguro masama kung bigyan ko ang sarili ko ng kaunting kapayapaan after those busy things. I just want to have fun, to give myself importance na sa ngayon, ako muna ang mahalaga.

Hay. Sarap ng pahinga. ūüôā

February is an all-so-stressful month. Haggard ang student council elections campaign¬†(I lost by one vote, mind you) at ang maraming mga bagay na naganap like me being in STAND-UP, educational discussions, and the UP Cineastes’ Studio application process. But it’s all fun!

February saw the coming of thegossipchick.multiply.com, the GOSSIP GIRL PHILIPPINES UP-CMC Chapter. Like, balahuraan kung balahuraan. We have this speculation that it is some kind of a project of the Communication Research students, and the people who comments in the site are the respondents of the study. It’s really immature to do things like that.

To add to that stress is my hairdo, which was planned to be a moptop Beatles style but turned out to look like Rihanna’s pre-physical abuse-incurred-by-Chris-Brown look. And I’m a boy. But it’s okay, I feel avant-garde-ish about the look. And they now call me RiRi.

Last thursday, Jumar, Monique, Jeff, Andre, Choba and I went to Cubao Expo for Jumar’s thesis things. We then went to Gateway to eat at¬†World Chicken then to Shopwise for groceries for Jumar’s Sunday shoot. FUN. After that, we went to Sarah’s for a few bottles of beer and Margarita. I missed them so much since I was physically and virtually invicible for the past few weeks.

I love February!

It has been almost two months since I had my last post on this blog and approximately three years since my first post. I was thinking of abandoning this blog (and abandoning blogging as an activity) since interests on serious blogging declined tremendously since the events of last semester, and updating the whole world of my life in detail seemed very nonsensical. Yet after two months of convincing myself not to return blogging, here I am, typing a few words to signify my decision to return.

Blogging was my only source of personal security when I needed it the most, and it is one thing I was definitely proud of since I was the only one in my high school batch who has this kind of thing. I was some kind of frustrated by the fact that my writing skills was not recognized then and  so I resorted to using wordpress as a medium for a sweet little revenge; if my school paper adviser hated my work, then I was sure there could be many people out there (even in the cyberspace) who would definitely love my way of writing, and I would prove her wrong.

And never did I expected that the blog I intended for a silent revenge became my virtual hideout of my emotions, and the then increasing number of its viewers proved that my works are getting noticed, bit by bit. I was enjoying the little popularity I had then, yet as I enter college, I found life more than blogging, I found my life much more exciting than the excitement my website hits were giving me. The excitement of my college life almost overshadowed my desire in blogging, and it seemed that blogging was becoming lesser of a use for me since I had friends whom I can relate to my problems. Friends can respond and recommend solutions to my problems, unlike blogging.

Yet I decided to return. I believe blogging will be a key for me to realign my life, yet I am not sure how it will work. I just know that¬†the time I blogged was the time when I¬†know what I was doing in my life. ¬†There are lots of thing that happened this past year that definitely didn’t make me better as a person, even some of them destroyed me in a way or two. There are lots of things to mend, and grave decisions about certain things about myself made me think of living up a new life, for me to at least¬†try to bury the past that haunted me for a long time. There are lots of things that needs burying, and I must persevere to cleanse them out of my system.

Reconstructing myself is a big decision I’ve made recently, patterning my life to the days were I believe I was emotionally and mentally stable. It is a difficult thing to do, it was like I have to start my life on scratch, yet I am ready to face the difficulties. I want to realign my priorities.

Moving on is a difficult task considering that forgetting elements of the past to live a new life seems an impossible task to do. I know that these individuals are a big part of the magnitude of what I had become, either in a positive or in a negative way, and for that I am forever grateful. And there is no point of forgetting these people, I will never succeed in doing so anyway. But I have to try to forget them, maybe not in the most literal sense.

My last blog before this one was made when I was seventeen, and I returned¬†to blogging with me¬†being legally adult. I think it just makes sense, returning to something when you believe you’re ready for it. And yeah, I know it’s a little weird for me to elevate blogging as an activity of maturity and responsibility. But that’s how it goes for me.

PBA09718p7r6

Yeah. Barely legal. Yet I’m still like this. I hate it.

There
are a lot of times I think of myself as someone who’s already mature
enough to face the world out there. But I still have this fear in me
that I’m really unprepared to be officially legal. Like I want to be
seventeen forever. It’s weird, really really weird that I’m actually
not anticipating the day when I turn an adult. It makes me
so…so…ANGRY of myself. I really don’t know, but just thinking of
that day, thinking of that very day makes me feel sick, like I want to
hit something very hard or keep myself inside a room forever or
something.

But of course, I definitely couldn’t stop time. Every
passing minute is drawing me nearer and nearer to that damned day. Well
I just want to do something significant before that day. I want a
life-changing moment before I leave minorhood (if such term exists).
Just for me to have something to say when I grow old, just for me to be
able to say “I did this when I am seventeen”.

I just want to sleep, because reality is more of a nightmare to me.

After disgustingly seeing someone making love in front of the internet cafe computer and experiencing the rage and/or grief of one customer and sharing his tears (or mucus, i dont know) literally, strange and often awkward experiences in Internet Cafes are relatively not new to me.

Well sa totoo lang natatawa na naman ako since i’m again into the wonders of the Internet Cafe. See, beside me is a group of noisy, giggling kids (when I say kids, their age is from 8-10). At first, seeing kids in an internet cafe this late at night is already strange, I mean, hindi ba sila hinahanap ng magulang nila?

And of course, pag bata ang naiisip kong may hawak ng computer, ang naiisip ko, naglalaro sila ng dress-up sa my scene o kaya naglalaro ng flash games. And I found out that they’re giggling over their friendster accounts (are kids allowed to have their own accounts?) and are pointing on some photos who they say are their girlfriends.

Well, pinalampas ko lang iyon, okay, then, they started trying to fit their seven bodies on the unfortunate monoblock chair. What are they doing? Well, they want a group photo so the computer beside me was transformed into a photo booth. They are really becoming too noisy and annoying.

So after several minutes, they seemed to be behave (they had put themselves still and quiet) but then I hear strange giggles and hisses. Then I heard one saying “Hoy, angbastos nyo naman”.

To my surprise, I saw them watching porn. And no one seemed to care.

At oras na naman ng mahabang pila, dahil 9 units lang ang naenlist ko sa CRS ay isa na namang pakikipagsapalaran ng palakasan, patatatagan at patigasan ng tuhod sa super habang proseso ng enrollment sa UP.

Siyempre kailangang magtiyaga dahil kung hindi ay wala akong makukuhang subjects. Haaaay, sa lahat ng mga pangyayari sa UP, enrollment ang pinakayaw ko, nakakainis na, nakakapagod pa. Sana na lang ay bakasyon na uli dahil tinatamad na talaga akong pumasok ng eskwela. Burnout siguro ito bilang noong summer ay wala akong bakasyon at sobrang marami ang nangyari last sem.

Oo nga pala, congrats naman sa akin at na-maintain ko ang college scholar standing ko. Angsayasaya naman. Akala ko nung una hindi ako CS dahil sa kabobohan ko sa pagkocompute ng GWA, pero ayun pala okay naman ang average ko. Thank God.

AkoSiHyro

AkoSiHyro is a blog by Jessehyro Tito P. Aguinaldo, a college senior at the University of the Philippines-Diliman taking BA Film and Audio-Visual Communication, who dreams of just earning enough money regardless of the job.

He is the current Executive Vice President of the UP Cineastes' Studio, the premier student film organization of the Philippines.

He is also a proud member of the Student Alliance for the Advancement of Democratic Rights in UP - College of Mass Communication (STAND UP - CMC).

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Every literary piece such as poems, prose, and rants posted on this blog cannot be posted elsewhere unless permitted by the owner. Inquiry for permission to repost is hugely appreciated.

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